Learner Driver Hub - FUN STUFF
The  sweetest job of all - by Dieter Fischer

 

"Sorry to hear your wife passed away Mr. P. (name has been changed, as not to embarrass anybody). "Now you need to put sugar into your cups of tea yourself. Well, I have plenty of patience and perseverance. When would you like your first lesson"

First lesson: ’Pull the chair in a little closer to reach the teaspoon with your right hand and the lid of the sugar bowl with your left. Pull in a little closer, Mr. P. No, don’t pull the tablecloth, oops, watch it, all the stuff will fall to the floor. Gravity, it’s called gravity. We’ll talk a bit more on that later."

15^th lesson: "Mr. P. your right hand must pick up the spoon, and immediately after, the left hand picks up the lid of the sugar bowl. I speak too fast? OK, let me repeat it more slowly, your right hand must...… You’re getting right and left mixed up. No need to cross your hands. Don’t lift the whole sugar bowl. Don’t rush it. Yes, Mr. L. there are lots of do’s and don’ts".

Three months later: "You’re picking the spoon up much better, Mr. P. Just scoop up the sugar more carefully and not so much at a time. Why is your hand shaking? Stop that shaking? Oops, we lost most of the sugar and look where the lid ended up? But never mind some sugar landed in the cup.

No, I am not stressed! I should bloody well know, if I’m stressed or not. Why cry over spilled sugar? No, Mr. P. I am not giving up on you. I have an idea. Have you heard of sugar cubes?"

One year later: "Isn’t life so much easier without that heavy teaspoon? But please, don’t grip it so hard, I can see the white of your knuckles? Now, coming back to gravity, it is the force that lets the sugar cubes fall into the cup by themselves. If you throw them, tea will splash everywhere. Let’s try it, but with feeling, not force."

Two years later: "Considering your progress Mr.P, I am thinking of booking you for the test with the Department of Sugar Transport. I do share your excitement, but unfortunately there is a one-year wait."

After first test: "I told you not to throw the cubes. Splashing boiling hot tea over an examiner does not put her into a good mood. No, why should she hate you? What? Money in a brown envelope? You wicked little, old man, don’t even think of it."

After fourth test: "Sugar cubes may appear solid, but when squeezed too hard they fall apart. It’s nerves, Mr. P. just nerves. You can do it. Don’t try too hard. Yes, you should not have relied on your wife to sweeten you up all these years, that’s true."

After 14^th test: "Congratulations Mr. P. No, please, hugging another man in public can be misinterpreted. I told you all along; the examiner is a fine lady".

Six months later in the mall: "Hello Mr. L. Sorry Mr. P! How are your cups of tea these days?... You didn’t? I told you all along, seven cubes is braking the sweet limit. I agree, that’s tough, but the law is the law.

How sad to hear your brother has lost his wife. He wants me to……..?"

Oh, SH… SH… Sugar!