(Any
learner reading this story, please don’t get offended, it is
just a bit of fun).
A
common question driving instructors have to answer is this:
"How many lesson will it take to get my licence?
After
25 years experience I finally found a formula we can apply as to how
many lessons a student is likely going to take.
Careful
observation during the first lesson is the secret. Then apply this
formula:
Take
one lesson for each year of the persons age.
Add
two lessons, if they take longer than 20 seconds to adjust the seat, 4
lessons if longer than 40 seconds. If they fumble longer than one minute
or get greasy fingers, I’d buy a new driving school vehicle or take a
long holiday.
If
they have used bad language already, kindly remind them, this is not
welcome in your vehicle.
If
the boot or petrol cap pop open, or the seat catapults backwards with a
violent jolt, add three lessons. (And try hard not to use bad
language yourself.)
Watch
the learner's thumb while adjusting the rear view mirror. For every
thumbprint deposited, add one lesson.
Add
10 lessons for each of the following statements you hear the learner
say.
"I
don’t care how long it takes". (You
may be friends for life, and money seems no worry either).
"I
want to learn properly." (Client has perfectionist
tendencies, will fail test at least 3 times).
"Am
I the worst student you ever had?" (Assure them: No, don't
think that! I had a worse one, about 15 years ago).
"Me
good driver" (Speak slowly, limited English, fluent in bad
language). Father is full-time stunt driver.
"Is
the car insured?" (Enrolled in lessons
only after crashing the family's Mercedes).
"I
like you teacher" (They liked the
five previous ones too, but you are still flattered).
If
the inevitable happens and a student comes close the hundred mark score
- you have a dilemma - either be honest and lose a client, or tell the
truth to have a good night's sleep.
Here
are some suggestions to do both, be truthful and keep a client coming
back:
"You’ll
take a little longer than the average number of lessons".
A real persistent client will then want to know the
average number. Just say: "The average varies, but what a nice
day for your first driving lesson".
Between
August and November, promise them their license by Christmas. (Don’t
mention which Christmas).
For
any client who stalled on every take off, who spent more time reversing
away from the kerb than in first gear, or went straight ahead at the
roundabout, give this answer:
"Your
number of lessons will be closer to 20 than 15". This keeps a
client happy for about 6 months.
If
after 35 lessons, they start to question your integrity, you may find
that bad language creeps in again. You dream of that holiday you meant
to have had).
If
you and they are somehow surviving, mentally and physically, until after
123 lessons and passing the test third time, you may again come under
fire: (Too late
to worry about bad language then).
"When
you said to me, I will take between 15-20 f...lessons, did you f...
misjudge or f... lie to me?"
Put
the record straight; assure them of your integrity: "I didn't say
you will take 15 or 20 lessons. I said the number you need will be
closer to 20 than 15!
Well,
120 is closer to 20 than 15 isn't it?
And
please don't use bad language in my car".
